Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself

it's been a while that I don't write down a word here.
apparently, life becomes more urgently with different shades and colours. R. is fading out. and loneliness becoming stronger with the fact that I'm mulling over about the things being left behind. sometimes I got the feeling that I'm getting older every week. but the sensation is not harmful, it's real. is like being prepared for the thirties and it's not exactly easy.
we are already in the autumn and the days are getting darker at 6 pm. but it does feel like 9 pm and you need to sleep and sleep.